Trolling Tactics

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Below is a list of viable trolling tactics for True Capitalist Radio. This page basically dictates what has made Ghost rage throughout his show's run. You may also find this list helpful for ideas to troll other BlogTalkRadio shows with.

This is only a guide, and your mileage may vary. It is vital to remember the first commandment of trolling is that new jokes are better than old memes.

To the right is a graph outlining how Ghost builds up resistance to tactics over time, built up from data since the start of 2011.

Again, this should only be used as a guide, but it is important to note how worse tactics fail after less time - even the best techniques will fail after a while, and new ideas must be utilized to keep consistency, and ensure you do not spiral into the path of failure.

A bold 'RETIRED' indicates that this meme will no longer induce reactions, or has been overused to the extent that Ghost can counter any forms of it.

  • Remixes - The newer the remix, the bigger the reaction, especially if the song is by someone Ghost hates, such as Eminem or Dave Matthews. Ghost's reactions to remixes has notably declined in effectiveness, although original songs of high quality by notorious individuals will attract his wrath. A remix played on a landline phone will have a poor sound to it due to the quality of the call, so it is best to use Hangouts to ensure that Ghost and the listeners will understand what is being sung.
  • Splices - Again, the newer the splice, the bigger the reaction, especially if it hits a sore spot, such as Ghost's family or a recent news story. Always use Stereo Mix instead of your microphone to play a remix or splice.
  • Chain-Call Trolling - Especially effective if done consecutively. If a failtroll gets on during the third or fourth call, he'll end up breaking the combo. This is very hard to pull off without external programs, and will certainly fail if you attempt to use multiple cell phones around each other- as the echo will ruin the quality. *RETIRED*
  • Anti-Capitalism (including pro-Communist statements about ideologies that go against Capitalism's ideals, playing the USSR National Anthem (over-used), or praising Communist leaders and revolutionaries). In mid-2011 this was the primary way to troll Ghost, mostly during Twitter Shoutouts.
  • Insulting Texas. A short list of such subtopics include wildfires, floods, government policy, stereotypes, and even the governor, Greg Abbott. Sometimes Ghost will rage if you make fun of other Conservative states suffering from weather disasters - such as Alaska.
  • Calling Ghost Alex Jones, redirecting listeners to InfoWars.com, claiming that Ghost is any number of alter-egos or conspiracy theorists, or telling him that Jones/Howard Stern sent you to troll him.
  • Insults towards Ghost's family. Ghost became inflamed with anger if a successful troll pulled off a call who made fun of his his son or granny during December 2011 and January 2012. On the contrary, praising his sister-in-law Caroline will also annoy him. Trolls have reopened this can of worms with calls about his wife, mother, son and granddaughter.
  • Well-known trolls, including Tub Guy, the Internet Buttstalker213, and Asho. Ghost will always give some special attention to these callers (other than the Buttstalker, whom he kicks off immediately and begins raging right away) and allow them to speak (and troll therefore) for as long as he can tolerate them. After the Return, Tub Guy is the only returning troll, and new characters such as Germit the Gay Frog and the African Booty Scratcher have shown up.
  • Playing pony-related audio clips. Playing sentences by My Little Pony Characters that are made to be directed at Ghost tend to result in bigger reactions. Rina-chan exemplified this with her dubbed over songs of Winter Wrap Up and Giggle at the Ghostie - both of which got massive anger from Ghost. *RETIRED*
  • Ear Rape - Horny the Clown and the Austin Vibrator are both great examples, yet they simply play a repeating noise - Real ear rape is a very loud sound intended to scare / surprise listeners, and is usually frowned upon due to it's tendency to hurt people who use headphones - Ghost even reminds listeners of this many times. Don't expect to be included in that day's YouTube videos if you irritate listeners with your speaker-breaking buzzer noise laced with too much treble. Otherwise, this can annoy Ghost especially if you do it multiple times. *RETIRED*
  • Talking about the Engineer's superiority over Ghost, or making fun of him for being retarded. Ghost became especially upset about this following the multiple incidents in December of 2011, where Engineer took over the show 4 times within a few weeks. Expect a 'fuck you' from the Engineer in response if you mock his job, or 'condition'. *RETIRED*
  • Claiming to know Ghost's identity. - You better have some proof*RETIRED*
  • Calling multiple times per broadcast (Especially within a 15 minute time frame) - Asho, Tri$ha, and the Austin Vibrator pulled this off, and effectively caused cans.wav. On the other hand, trying multiple times to play a remix, or doing what Mr. Tacos did is very irritating, and will attract the ire of other listeners who could have used those call-in spots.
  • Claiming to be on Sixth Street, and challenging Ghost to a fight. While Ghost will become very hotheaded from this (most especially if it comes from area code 512, meaning the caller is in Austin), he typically forgets about the threat, unless you call back 'reminding' him. Ghost has claimed he has waited on Sixth Street for these callers to no avail, but would still be happy to kick anyone's ass if the time came. *RETIRED*
  • Calling Ghost a minority (Mexican, African-American, etc.). Ineffective, yet sometimes Ghost becomes confused, at being called both a racist and a black person. *RETIRED*
  • Claiming to be a Liberal, or criticizing one of Ghost's conservative views/opinions on how current news topics should be handled. Although you will sound like a serious caller, Ghost can easily be brought to rage merely through the disagreements of a caller. Spermy the Cat often tricked him by starting a conversation, before cutting it off with an audio file. Some listeners do not advocate this tactic, because it often causes Ghost to go off tangent on long rants that eat away time that could have been used for other calls.
  • Calling in with a child or baby audio file, and pretending to 'slap it around' and abuse it. This will greatly upset Ghost if it is done by a well known caller (Every 213 call, and Nikolai did it once).
  • Calling Ghost a 'Dude'. He dislikes the stereotypical potheads of today and will ask you to refer to him as something else.
  • Calling Ghost a Jew. This no longer provokes him as much as it used to, but it's still done quite a lot. Being anti-Semitic can also provoke him. *SEMI-RETIRED*
  • Playing a song Ghost hates on a musical instrument - Xarahox played the Rugrats (a show that Ghost doesn't like much) theme and even the Soviet anthem once. Be sure you can play well, and have the proper equipment for it to sound good.
  • Acting like Ghost, including mimicking something he says often, trying to play Guess the Minority with him< as the subject, making fun of his accent, or playing your own cans.wav.
  • Excessive breathing into the mic - Ghost claims you are attempting to fellate him across the internet.
  • Autotuning songs or clips of Ghost may initiate cans.wav (See here for an example.) - This can include ponies, Ghost's voice, or a caller's singing.
  • 'Touhou', 'Anime', 'Bronies', and other 'fandoms' that have rooted into Ghost's broadcast (although some of them are not real, Ghost seems convinced enough).
  • Talking about coffee. While this is not done often (as few Radio Graffiti trolls bother listening to the Markets), he will be annoyed. Callers can also annoy Ghost by being supportive of markets he usually disdains.
  • Talking about shrimp, a very sensitive topic for Ghost in 2012 due to the migration of Asian Tiger Shrimp from eastern waters, which end up eating the shrimp he usually dines on. *RETIRED*
  • Advertising - Plugging anything, even just a full website name such as Surgeradio.org can irritate him, as he does not appreciate 'people trying to get free airtime off of his broadcast.' Calling him a sellout usually induces rage and a long rant.
  • Horrific noises, or screams, to emulate cruelty or some kind of sexual attack - Ghost may become very concerned, and will sometimes call back a number if something doesn't sound right coming out of there. Ghost is less keen to do this after Asho trolled him in this manner in November 2011.
  • Singing - If Ghost cuts you off, you're a failtroll. On the other hand, if he sings along, then a remix is in the works. Make sure you stop eventually so that the upcoming clips will sound clean, without your fruity voice ruining it.
  • Calling Ghost "Ghostler" or anything Nazi related. Upon TCR's temporary end in May 2012, this was the most popular form of trolling. When he took command during the Meme Wars, this no longer affected him. However, when he started hosting The Ghost Show, he has gone back to resenting being called Ghostler.
  • Having multiple callers use the insult towards Ghost over and over again - such as calling him Alex Jones, a hambone or Ghostler three times in a row. An alternate version of a Chain-Call, only these are generally spontaneous.
  • Prank calls using Ghost's voice - Has caused rage quits, and always upsets him. Cypher-11 was typically the leading force behind this form of trolling. Be creative where you make the prank call - and use splices instead of just a soundboard alone. Calling BlogTalkRadio shows with his soundboard is a perfect way to upset him, because he has to deal with the flame-mail from the hosts afterwards - even better!
  • Making fun of serious callers (of course only those that are in favor with Ghost - Goofy Bone is out of this list now) - Ghost enjoys hearing from his favorite callers each show, and they tend to eat up a large portion of the broadcast if they have lots to say. Insulting them, or asking Ghost why he gives them so much time will anger him. The YouTube videos about KaraszKun sent him over the edge in May 2012. Nowadays, RaidenSnake seems to be the only Serious Caller that can be made fun of, and has caused cans.wav unlike most calls making fun of Teutonic or Karasz in the post-return era.
  • Calling Ghost any number of ailments - from being handicapped, a midget, or similar.
  • Making fun of Ghost's dog, Templeton.
  • Half a Tard Ghost - Slowing Ghost's voice down to make him sound as if he were half retarded. Ghost finds this particularly annoying since the quotes chosen are often related to the 2016 Texas Floods when they first popped up.
  • Splicing or editing something Ghost said moments before and playing it back to him. The more recent the clip, the more effective. Tweaking his pitch, tempo, or adding a song to backtrack it annoys him further.
  • Autotuning Ghost's voice to songs and bands he despises.
  • Making fun of Donald Trump or his family.
  • Splicing any of his 'characters' like Uncle Bernie or George Soros, the "Prince of Freaking Darkness".
  • Referencing the Double Dipping Incident.
  • Playing audio or splicing Ghost to any YouTuber. Ghost threw a tantrum when someone spliced him with McJuggerNuggets during Episode 297.
  • Ghost's Episode 500 Thank You Speech (ex: Bureaucrats, YouTubers).
  • Anything with Ghost doing an "Allah Snackbar".
  • Anything to do with Vietnam.
  • Desecrating the Texas Martyrs who fought during the Mexican-American war.
  • Splicing Ghost to say something positive of someone he dislikes (i.e. Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, George Soros, etc.).
  • Making any butter splices or references.
  • Any calls or splices praising San Hambonio.
  • Distracting Ghost when he is on a rant or show topic by tweeting/posting certain pictures to his Twitter/Gab accounts. This includes: his autograph being destroyed, photoshopped advertisements (i.e. a photoshopped picture of Open Society advertising on Ghost's show), body pillows, pictures making fun of his family, etc. have been known to enrage Ghost. Bonus points if the picture contains someone he dislikes (i.e. Hillary Clinton controlling a drone, as done in one episode).
  • Making any reference to Ghost being bald.
  • Making fun of 42coin.
  • Playing a splice with chimp sounds. While Ghost would already be mad over a splice making him sound racist, putting chimp sounds in the splice has the chance of almost always causing cans.wav, mainly because he finds that using chimps to represent black people is racist.
  • Taking a song by Ghost's favorite musician, Stevie Ray Vaughan (usually Pride and Joy), and combining it with a song or musician who he hates, such as Nickelback and Eminem.
  • With The Ghost Show introducing the ability for listeners to make Text-to-Speech messages by donating to Ghost, many trolls have used this as a way to piss Ghost off and disrupt the show almost entirely. Such methods include making troll names similar to Shoutouts, insulting Ghost, "stealing the show" by doing the Markets and Shoutouts, and claiming that the trolls have "won".
    • The TTS will only sound off if you pay $5 or more. However $3 is enough for him to read your name.
    • Aside from TTS messsages, listeners have the ability to play audio files through MediaShare and "larger-pay" YouTube URLs, allowing trolls to bother Ghost with songs, Ear Rape, and occasionally other streamers. The MediaShare feature only works on the Saturday Night Troll Show.
    • Suggesting that Ghost should turn off the TTS can make him somewhat annoyed, since he claims that the interactivity is what made his show popular.
  • Calling Ghost a $5 whore or a shekel goblin. This method began on The Ghost Show Episode 21, and was used to piss him off for much of the show.

Shoutouts / TTS Trolling Methods

  • Phonetic names. They are used quite regularly, and tend to be something that either sounds racist, sounds dirty, or makes Ghost insult himself. Ghost sometimes manages to avoid these, but mostly reads them and ends up raging. These phonetics sometimes get used in splices.
  • Any shoutout name that makes fun of a recent tragedy or natural disaster.
  • Any shoutout name that makes Ghost say something racist. (ex: Knee Guards)
  • Mentioning any natural disaster, massacre, or incident that happened to Ghost. The more recent the event has occurred, the bigger the reaction.
  • Making any name that has "Albin" in it. Ghost hates being called Thomas Albin, and he'll know what someone is getting at when they shove a mention of Albin in their name.
  • Making fun of anything Texas-related. This includes the state, politicians who Ghost likes from there, the Texas Martyrs, the Yellow Rose, the battle of the Alamo, the wildfires, the floods, or even tornadoes that hit the state.
  • Any names making fun of a recently deceased celebrity. The more recent the name, the angrier Ghost gets at it. Making fun of celebrities he doesn't care for much like Stephen Hawking or David Rockefeller doesn't get much of a reaction out of him, however. Names making fun of politicians he doesn't like who recently passed away, such as Janet Reno, got a chuckle out of him.
  • Insulting Capitalism or being pro-Bureaucrat/Communist/Republican.
  • Any Pizzagate-related name. These died down due to how serious the subject actually was.
  • Calling Ghost a ripoff, a sellout, or a shekel goblin.
  • Making a sick or sadistic name. Examples include 'Black Hole, My Asshole', 'Ghost Choking on Aussie Sausage', and 'Can We Get a Major Fap'.
  • Making fun of anyone Ghost supports, like Trump and Herman Cain.
  • Insulting Ghost's family.
  • Any name directed towards Ghost or the Inner Circle.
  • Names praising politicians he doesn't like, such as Recep Tayyip Erdoğan during the 2016 Turkey coup, also riles him up.

Failtroll 'Tactics'

While trolling Ghost is entertaining and ridiculously easy due to how he baits himself for it, there are always a few bad apples in the bunch. This list describes what not to do when you call up True Capitalist Radio. Unless you are a Serious Caller intending to actually converse with Ghost on topics regarding Capitalism (NOT during Radio Graffiti), there is no reason to screw up, at all.

  • Failing any of the tactics mentioned above, whether your remix sucks, you stumbled in the middle of your speech, or you botched a response line once Ghost inquired further about something.
  • Chain-calling, as they have become too repetitive & mostly consists of failtroll tactics now. They also screw over trolls with creative content.
  • Doing a Pyro Incident, by tweeting to Ghost to get to Radio Graffiti or Twitter Shoutouts. IsaacthePyro did this and threw Ghost into a rant, and canceled that show's Radio Graffiti, and got bombarded with enough threats to deactivate his Twitter account for good.
  • Playing the theme to The Cleveland Show. Ghost cuts off people who attempt to play it. It only clogs up the phone lines for people with actual substance, and it also hangs up callers on the line with potential trolling material.
    • Similarly, playing the theme to Steven Universe won't cause cans.wav, and Steven Universe splices don't anger Ghost. It won't be the next My Little Pony and Ghost doesn't even know what that show is.
    • It's the Nutshack applies as well, as Ghost doesn't even know what that show is. However, there was a woodshed remix that did cause cans.wav.
  • Playing Big Smoke's Drive-Thru order. While this has caused massive rage from Ghost in early January 2017, it doesn't upset him much nowadays.
  • Playing poor-quality audio clips or songs from a phone - Ghost mostly ignores them, or comments on the poor quality of said failtroll's phone.
  • Not saying anything at all - Unless multiple callers do it at least 4 times in a row or someone does it intentionally, it will never garner a reaction (and even this is ill-advised because it is very difficult to call into the show due to the number of spots available). 
  • Excessive feedback, or echo issues - This usually happens because your computer's audio is playing back to the phone, or because you are using multiple lines next to each other. Mute the BlogTalkRadio player on your browser after your phone connects to the show, and only use one phone at a given time. Use Stereo Mix for audio trolling.
  • The Fuck You Texas song - Ghost stopped reacting to this. Nevertheless it still makes sudden (and humorous) reappearances, often at bad times for Ghost himself.
  • Stumbling and Mumbling like an uncertain prick. Prepare your calls, write them down, or memorize them and do not try to ad-lib anything if you aren't very clever (which is likely the case being that you have to read this article), because Ghost will instantly know you are unsure of what to say, and will hang up on you. You must be able to recover if you slip slightly during a speech, or if Ghost decides to keep you on the air and question you further.
  • Using a soundboard to talk to Ghost, unless it is a vulgar line or one that will disgust him.
  • Pretending to be a well-known troll. You can't say "Oh My!" or imitate the Suck Mah Dick Guy, so stop trying to.
  • Generic Insults (i.e. "Fuck you!") - He either ignores them, or replies with a remark in return.
  • Calling in and failing multiple times - Essentially a failed version of a chain-call troll. In his first calls, Asho used to use up to 4 different lines repeating one line, before the phones shorted out due to the echo and poor quality.
  • Taking too long to get to the point of your call..."Hey Ghost I just want to give a shoutout to everybody on my Skype contacts; here we go..."
  • Waiting three seconds, before realizing you were called on, in which you desperately try to throw out your insult before Ghost hangs up on you and mocks you for being unprepared.
  • "Hello?" = "Goodbye!" This includes any variants, including other languages and yelling or saying it in a ridiculous way. Try "What's going on Ghost?" instead.
  • Screaming, or making stupid noises.
  • Fake accents, voice modifiers (modulators as Ghost calls them), or echoes to disguise one's voice.
  • Saying "Call me back later!" or "Hold on a second, I'm not ready yet!"
  • Trying to play a musical instrument, whether it be a guitar (the most frequent on the broadcast), piano, or even a violin. If the audio quality is poor, or if you just suck, then he will deduce it as 'bad playing' and cut you off immediately. He believes that callers get their guitars from 'Esteban infomercials' with cheap amplifiers, and only play 'three or four chords over and over again, like in most metal songs'. Ghost's ability to detect a recording is shaky however. He used to be good at inferring this, but as of the Return, he seems to praise any recorded audio that goes on the air.
  • Off-Topic conversation, whether it be something Ghost did not talk about during the show, or something he clearly wouldn't know anything about (although it's perfectly safe to ask him of his opinions on something controversial - to create splice material). Ghost does not take interest in today's geek culture forms, whether they be movies or video games and will not be impressed, unless he once had a run with it in his younger years - case in point: Nintendo (in the 80s).
  • Sounding like a little kid. Maybe this isn't your fault entirely, but at least try to sound convincing during a call. Ghost dislikes having young children listening to his adult-rated show, and other listeners get annoyed when a group of kids start calling in. Anyone who has not hit puberty yet should not be calling in to this show, period.
  • Reading something from a website or any form of copypastas. Ghost fan-fictions are a possible exception.
  • Being an idiot, which can include not knowing what you're going to say, trying to flex nuts over the internet by making empty threats, being unoriginal, or saying a single word and hanging up. This includes challenging Ghost to fights.
  • Daniel Bryan Splices, which were the first major application of the above tactic, and were effective at getting Ghost to rage at high levels not seen since 2012, until overuse led to their rapid demise.
  • Playing outdated or overplayed memes.
  • Asking Ghost about things he has already said during the show.
  • Playing the Pokémon R/B/Y Bicycle Theme. It has been overused to the point that Ghost outright hung up on people. There are countless other Pokémon songs to use.
  • Using an Obamaphone. It ruins good splices and remixes.
  • Calling Ghost "Big Jack". There's seriously nothing any funny about calling him that. There are a bunch of names to call him better than that.
  • Making any brony inferences on the show. Such as "Who is Ghost's favorite pony" and other things related to the show. In 2016-18, it only wastes time and doesn't get a reaction like it did in 2011-12.
  • pedophile-related audio splices. If you play any of the splices based on pedophilia, Ghost will either threaten to dox you, go on a soliloquy, or even outright end the show.
    • On a similar note, making pedophilia or Pizzagate jokes will not only cause Ghost to likely end the show, but he will also give your number out, as one caller has proven on Episode 433.
  • Boogie-related Twitter/Gab Names and trolling attempts only causes Ghost to go on lengthy rants about him, and wastes time that could be used on both serious callers and trolls.
  • Trolling related to fandoms Ghost doesn't know about. Don't simply force your own fandom into the show just because you think it will be funny. If Ghost doesn't get the joke or know about the fandom, then he simply won't get agitated over it.
  • Don't call up going "I'M PICKLE RICK!" and expect to get lulz.
  • Story Splices and Storybook Splices just waste everyone's time, both listeners and Ghost's. The time it takes to play them is better used on shorter splices. Like the previously-mentioned Daniel Bryan Splices, the latter ended up becoming so overused that Ghost just about stopped reacting to them.
  • Using racial slurs will almost guarantee have your number being given out. This was prevalent in 2011 by Newfags and it had people who utilized this tactic get called on the first Ghostmas episode or when Ghost did prank calls back when he had Paltalk sessions.
  • Using outdated trolling tactics to troll Ghost, i.e. calling him a hambone or any insult that's out of date to him.
  • Tell Me Lies splices, and variants of it have become a failtroll tactic due to overuse.
  • Calling Ghost's hotline with a declined credit card. Doing so has had the line taken down for good.
  • Cleveland Show Calls, and it's pretty obvious why. However, Ghost has raged at people remixing it with Templeton's barking, Stevie Ray Vaughan, and broke-back, broke-dick Nickelback.
  • Imitating/ripping off established characters like Tub Guy, The Internet Buttstalker, African Booty Scratcher and Nikolai. While you might sometimes get a reaction out of Ghost this way, no one appreciates you being unoriginal on the show.
  • Linking Ghost to his own show to produce an echo has gotten old really fast. While Ghost tends to overreact to these, this type of troll isn't that amusing for the viewers anymore.

Ghost gets many callers that absolutely fail, and some do multiple times per broadcast. If Ghost is astounded enough at the 'Major fail' being projected out of a caller, he may tell the Engineer to call them back to either explain themselves, or make fun of them.

Callers who waste a large sum of Ghost's time on air, or suck so bad that he is disgusted at the stupidity being projected get their phone numbers given out live on the air.

There are a number of resources a poor troll can utilize to improve their craft. Tub Guy has created a trolling guide (now deleted) with some more helpful advice. This page might help you if you resort to the failtroll 'tactics' to try to get lulz in any form, or are too lazy to put effort into your trolling.

Ghost does not broadcast all the time obviously. This doesn't mean you can't practice these tactics on other BlogTalkRadio shows in your free time. Doing this before you start calling TCR will help you know what kinds of tactics you like to resort to, how your computer/phone audio sounds, and if you need to adjust your voice or settings to conform to BlogTalkRadio's quality.